And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
