i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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