The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
as a side note pls kill me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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