ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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