Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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