I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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