im having a threesome with these popsicles
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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