i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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