I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
