Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
