Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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