So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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