am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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