yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
