Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
