chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I currently don't understand fingers.
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