I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
