my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
