And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
