mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
