Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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