He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
