Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
