Who wears a wallet chain?!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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