Just fell off a train. Bad.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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