"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This is classic penis vs brain.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He shit in the fireplace
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
