I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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