Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
