So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
