if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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