Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
