mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
