1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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