You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
