For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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