I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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