I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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