her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
