she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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