youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
