I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
