also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
