You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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