She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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