In the future we'll all be gay
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
