Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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