dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
