Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
