i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
