I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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