Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
