also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
